The “fourth trimester” (the first three months after you welcome a new baby) is a crucial time for new parents, marked by bonding, healing and navigating challenges. Keep reading for practical tips to help you understand and navigate this transitional period. 

In the early 2000s, American pediatrician and author Dr. Harvey Karp coined the term “fourth trimester” in reference to the first three months after a family welcomes a new baby. The implication is that a pregnancy doesn’t just end with the birth of the child; it extends into a transitional period where the parent who carried the baby heals, both parents and older siblings bond with the baby, and families can settle into their new normal. This time is critical for everyone. 

By the time Dr. Karp introduced this concept, many cultures were already ahead of the game. In Latin America, it’s common practice for new mothers to sequester themselves with their new babe for 40 days, to allow for bonding and healing. In China, some families undertake “sitting the month,” where they cozy up indoors and focus on restoring the physical energy it takes to give birth. Many doctors and midwives around the world applaud this downtime, and recommend that families line up support for the early days in order to give themselves the time they need to find their feet.

If you’re expecting a baby soon and are considering how to handle the fourth trimester, read on for some smart tips and tricks. 

Prioritize Bonding with Your Baby

You no doubt already know that skin-to-skin contact is super important right after your baby is born, to help regulate your baby’s heart rate and promote breastfeeding. But you may not know that on-going skin-to-skin sessions can help in the fourth trimester, too. The first few weeks are all about creating a strong emotional connection, so use the time to snuggle and talk to your baby. Singing, bathing and even infant massage all help to develop connection and security. Be sure to make eye contact, too. While it’s true that babies are nearsighted at birth, newborns can see objects that are between eight and 12 inches away, which means they can easily gaze at Mom and Dad. Studies show that babies will begin to recognize their parents’ faces within the first few weeks. 

Take Care of Yourself (or Your Partner!)

It’s safe to say that your focus will be on your newborn for the first few weeks after their arrival, but it’s critical to pay attention to the recovery of the parent who delivered the baby as well. Physical recovery from childbirth can take weeks and even months, depending on the birth experience. Be sure to take it easy and avoiding pushing yourself to do more than is comfortable—your body has been through a major event and needs time to rest and heal. Don’t ignore pain, and pay attention to any symptoms that may crop up. Be sure to attend follow-up appointments with your obstetrician, too—they are just as important as your child’s well baby checkups! 

In addition to your physical recovery, emotional healing is also important. Postpartum depression (PPD) affects about one in seven women. It’s common to feel down for a couple of weeks after birth (this time is often referred to as the “baby blues” and is tied to hormonal fluctuation), but if you experience persistent feelings of sadness or anxiety, are having trouble engaging with your baby, or feel excessively hopeless and isolated, it’s essential to seek help. Don’t hesitate to reach out to friends, family and your health care team—you are not alone in this journey.

If you did not give birth, you can support your partner in myriad ways: Take on a feed during the night so your partner can get some sleep; help to stay on top of household tasks and meal prep; replenish supplies for breastfeeding and diapering so your partner doesn’t have to move more than necessary. Above all, ask what your partner needs and do your best to be as helpful as possible.

Make a Plan for Dealing with Sleep Deprivation

Sleep deprivation is one of the most challenging aspects of the fourth trimester. Newborns typically wake every two to three hours for feeding, making uninterrupted sleep next to impossible for new parents. According to the National Sleep Foundation, new parents may lose up to 700 hours of sleep in the first year, which can lead to increased stress and decreased well-being.

But there are things you can do to minimize the impact of sleep debt. For example, you and your partner can establish a sleep schedule and routine. Split the night up into shifts, so each parent knows when they’re on baby duty. If the baby rouses during their assigned time, they get up to tend to their little one’s needs. 

You can also ask a close friend or family member to come over on a set day, at a set time, each week, so you know you know you’ll have dedicated time to sleep. Even catching a couple of uninterrupted hours can help you to feel more refreshed and alert.

Cutting Yourself Some Slack

It’s important to know that the fourth trimester is synonymous with a learning curve. Nothing is going to be perfect (even if this is your third or fifth or 11th baby, the fourth trimester is different every time!). Many new parents set high expectations for themselves, their babies and their partners, but this is just asking to be overwhelmed. Your baby is learning and growing at their own pace, and so are you. Celebrate small victories and cut yourself some slack on the tough days. Who cares if you don’t manage to get out of your pyjamas? Don’t worry if you barely move from the couch! Communicate openly with your partner about your needs and expectations, and work together to create a supportive environment. It’s okay to have days that feel chaotic (trust us, you will). Just embrace the messiness of this journey, remind yourself that it doesn’t last forever, and do your best. That’s pretty much the heartbeat of parenthood.