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5 Types of Mommy-Bullies You’ve Probably Met and How to Deal With Them

Written by Breanna Guiotto

The most inexcusable, unrelenting type of bullying I have experienced didn’t come from my high school cronies. I didn’t see someone get their lunch money stolen, or pressed to smoke a little somethin’, somethin’. The worst type of bullying comes from the moms breeding those bullies. How do we expect our kids to treat each other with respect and compassion if we don’t model those traits ourselves?

Here are the worst types of mommy-bullies:

The Cyber-Mom Bully

You all know this one. She is on every parenting website, bashing you for formula feeding, for vaccinating (or not), for not covering up while nursing. She has to add her two cents to everything. If you don’t do things the same way as she does, she feels the need to slander you in an ongoing post and will flat out call you “selfish” or tell you that you are a bad parent.

How to Deal

Do not engage. If you comment back or continue the conversation, it just adds fuel to the fire. She will look pretty foolish having a one sided argument. Don’t respond and you get to walk away the bigger person.

The Judgemental Eyes

Do you remember that time you were in the grocery store and your toddler had an apocalyptic meltdown? Or the time you were spoon feeding your baby from a jar? You got The Eyes from another mom that would never feed her baby processed food, and her toddler would never pull that stunt in public.

How to Deal

Smile and wave. Mom bullies don’t like being confronted. Watch how quickly The Eyes avert from you.

The Know-It-All Friend

This one is difficult because it can be someone you are close with. You had kids around the same time. You parent and make decisions very differently, but somehow she makes you feel as though every decision you make is the wrong one.

How to Deal

If she is a true friend, you will be able to talk this one out. Let her know how uncomfortable she makes you. If this doesn’t work, maybe it’s time to find some new mommy friends.

The Behind Your Back Bully

They don’t want to come off as the know-it-all friend, but can’t accept the other parents’ choices. They do it behind your back out of cowardice and sometimes discuss amongst their other mommy friends. I’m guilty of this one myself. I judge and talk to my spouse about it.

How to Deal

You aren’t really going to know if others are doing this. We can only change our own behaviour. If you are guilty of behind the scenes slander, think about how you would feel if someone was talking trash about you. Let’s take it back to kindergarten teaching. If it is going to hurt someone, keep your mouth shut.

The Face-to-Face Abrasive

This mom will call you out on making sure your baby has their face covered in the wind. She watches your toddler climbing at the park and loudly comments that someone should be watching that little boy. Meanwhile, you’re right there beside him, watching him like a hawk. This mom will make you feel like the bottom of the barrel in a group of moms. She has no filter and says what she pleases. Your parenting style will never meet her expectations.

How to Deal

This can be resolved in one of two ways: Option one is ignore and conquer. If you show no response, she will cease to lecture. Option two is standing up for yourself. Let this bully know you are the parent of your children. You get to make the decisions that work for your situation.

Our children learn behaviours and bullying is a behaviour. If your child is on Facebook and they read your comments, they will learn from your behaviour. When you pair their immaturity with social media it may cause a tween to decide that if her mom does it, then so can she. Our kids are extremely observant. When they see and hear us speaking to and about people in a poor manner, they think it is the norm. We have kids that are bullies because we are breeding them to be that way by setting a poor example. We need to start modelling the behaviours we want to see in our children.

Have you encountered a mommy-bully? How did you deal with her? What are you doing to show your kids that bullying is not okay? Let us know in the comments.

*Opinions expressed are those of the author, and not necessarily those of Parent Life Network or their partners.