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Toronto, Canada

312 Adelaide Street West, Suite 301
Toronto, Ontario - M5V 1R2
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My Toddler is a High Pressure Sales Person

Written by Marsi Breemhaar

“Open your mouth. It tastes good. Say aww…” my toddler says as he shoves his crackers in my and Daddy’s mouth so he doesn’t have to eat them. We said “no thank-you I’m full” a few times, but he insisted “they taste so yummy.”

My almost 3 year old wanted to go outside and it was dinner time so I said no. He “cried” (such a faker) standing in the middle of the kitchen until he realized I was ignoring  him and stopped. Then daddy came home.  He started his sales pitch to get outside. “Daddy I’m just going to put on my hat, can you help me with my shoes? Now my jacket?  Let’s go outside now? Just a little bit, pleasssse Daddy?” The pleading doesn’t stop for a good 20 minutes.

He wanted to get up at 4am the other day. I said no way. He started to cry for Daddy. I’m on to his sales tactics. I know his most popular value proposition to get downstairs is “I’m so hungry. My stomach is making lots of noises.” It worked on Daddy…he knows who to target and when. So he got to get up at 4am that day. Another win in his books. He will for sure make his sales targets for this fiscal year. He may as well ring a bell with every win and mark it up on the sales board.

Toddlers are the ultimate manipulators. They are smart. Don’t think for a second they don’t have a plan. They spend hours plotting out their revenge on us for leaving them in daycare all day. Or for making them take that nap they didn’t want to take. They think, when I get home watch out parental units, I won’t eat what you have made, I will throw a fit to go outside in the rain, I will refuse to brush my teeth and put on my pyjamas, I will push you to the very edge until you can’t take it any more…and you will give in. And I will win. Vengeance will be mine. *insert evil laugh* The creators of Stewie from Family Guy have it spot on.

With a simple kiss and a dimply smile, this kid could sell you 3 fridges if you were living in an igloo. The ultimate sales person. Companies should hire more toddlers to do their sales for them. Who could resist the sales tactics of an adorable, determined 3 year old?

For more from Marsi, you can visit her blog

*Opinions expressed are those of the author, and not necessarily those of Parent Life Network or their partners.