Have you ever stumbled upon a photo of a crazy person shopping at Wal-Mart? The ones that pop up on your mini-feed where people are wearing unbelievable outfits or performing super weird acts in public. You all know what I’m talking about. Maybe you’ve even experienced it in person.
I have a confession to make. Today I was one of those people. After struggling through a shopping trip with my five-month-old daughter I paid for my items and headed to the parking lot. While pushing my cart to the car my skirt conveniently blew up above my hips. Not the sexy Marilyn Monroe kind of moment. I tried to get it under control but there was a group of people entering the store that got a gigantic view of my granny panties. YUP. That just happened.
I struggle to put my daughter in her seat without giving another free show. With both hands occupied my bad luck strikes again. The cart is now coasting across the parking lot in full momentum. I run like a crazy person to get my cart before it crashes into the back of an SUV. BAM. It’s too late. I apologize and watch as the owner checks for damage. Thankfully there is nothing there. I’m running back to my car to make sure my daughter is okay and I’m really wishing I hadn’t left the house.
I put the car in reverse and begin my getaway. BAM. I back up into a line of carts that are in my blind spot. MOTHER OF PEARL. My insane behaviour has attracted an audience. Yet again, I check for damage. People are staring. The SUV man is cursing me. I am on the verge of tears but all I can do is laugh. I make a mental note to never go back to Wal-Mart again as I sit at the stoplight. The person in front of me is getting out of his car. Now he is asking me to put down my window. WHAT NOW?!!
I back up into a line of carts that are in my blind spot. MOTHER OF PEARL. My insane behaviour has attracted an audience.
“Just so you know your wallet is on top of your car!” Why am I not surprised? “Thanks” is all I can manage because I’m picturing my cell phone on top of the wallet that is now conveniently located on the roof of my car. WHY ME? JUST WHY. My wallet is fine, but my cell phone is gone. I promised myself I would never go back but now I have no choice. I successfully park my car without hitting any carts and walk up to customer service carrying my screaming daughter. She knows we are having a bad day.
My phone was at customer service with a note that read, “You really should learn how to drive!” Instead of letting it bother me for the rest of the day I drove straight to Starbucks for an XL coffee. From now on whenever I see a people of Wal-Mart photo I promise not to judge. Perhaps that person feels like a psycho. Better yet, maybe that person was just like the rest of us and didn’t get enough coffee!
What is your craziest Wal-Mart shopping experience?
*Opinions expressed are those of the author, and not necessarily those of Parent Life Network or their partners.