If we are hot-mess moms, why are our partners considered super dads? Our writer takes a look at how mothers set themselves up to fail with unrealistic expectations.
I consider myself a hot mess mom. I have three kids who are a full-time job. I have a household to run and keep clean, which is a full-time job.
Oh, and I also have a full-time job.
My kid’s teacher sends an email every Sunday night outlining everything that needs to be signed, paid for and participated in each week.
It is literally the scariest email ever.
It reminds me of everything I should already know, be doing and be participating in, yet I have absolutely no idea about.
It usually sends me into a blind panic where I end up rushing to the nearest dollar store to grab the random objects for the craft that week, the items needed to complete the project I am just hearing about, or make the snack/playdough I need to send into the classroom.
And that is only one of my three children.
My messy home
Not to mention the state of my home. I am not a clean-freak-far from it, but the trail of stuff that my children leave all over my home drives me crazy.
I cringe at the collection of ‘artwork’ that comes into my home each day. I am supposed to not only display, but store for fear of my child will discover their creativity thrown in the recycle bin.
Despite all my best efforts, I still manage to forget superhero day. My house is messy more often than not, and pizza is served more times a week than I care to admit.
So I am a ‘hot-mess’ mom. But here is the kicker- my husband is an ‘amazing father.’
A parenting double standard
Our realities are the same. We both work, we both clean, and we both spend time with our kids. Yet I am failing and he is excelling.
I have no idea why this is still the case in 2018. We strive for equality between the sexes and yet we are held to very different standards.
I am reminded over and over by well meaning relatives how lucky I am.
My husband will take our kids out for a movie or to a park and get cooed at by strangers for his efforts, while I am silently judged for the fact that they aren’t wearing a hat, or if, God forbid, I go on my phone rather than being completely present 100 percent of the time.
I love being a mom, but I don’t like feeling like I can’t reach this unattainable goal of motherhood. I want to excel in my career to be a good example for my kids. I want to have a clean home for them to feel comfortable in. I want to keep on top of all the expectations of me, but I have yet to find the answer to this impossible equation.
So, instead I focus on the little things and make compromises along the way.
Some nights I choose chicken nuggets so I can hear about their day rather than fight my way through each bite of broccoli.
The house gets dusty, but we manage to visit the park as a family. My daughter has been the only kid not dressed properly on pajama day, but I haven’t forgotten to tuck her in before bed.
At least I have a super dad by my side.
What do you think PLNers? Are moms held to a higher standard or is it all in our heads? Let us know in the comments below!
*Opinions expressed are those of the author, and not necessarily those of Parent Life Network or their partners.